Archive | May, 2012
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Is Mitt Romney a Unicorn? “Unicorners” Want Government to Investigate Shocking New Allegations

A new website, http://www.MittRomneyisaUnicorn.com, alleges that Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney is secretly a mythical one-horned horse, and the organization behind the website is calling on the state of Arizona to investigate these claims. The website has gathered almost 25,000 signatures supporting a government investigation into the rising allegation that Romney is a unicorn and […]

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Idaho Government Bans “Five Wives Vodka,” Says Brand Name is Offensive to Mormons

The liquor is made in Ogden, Utah, but the Idaho State Liquor Division says “Five Wives Vodka” will not be sold in their state, stating that the brand name is too offensive to the state’s large Mormon population. State regulations administrator Jeff Anderson told the Associated Press that Idaho liquor stores already carry hundreds of […]

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Breaking: John Mayer May be More Talented than Miley Cyrus

You don’t have to know a lot about music to know that John Mayer is a musical genius. Sure, there are the Ke$has and Mileys of the world, who obtain (and somehow retain) fame, without actually possessing a drop of musical talent (if I may say so myself). Maybe it’s because they’re very classy and […]

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Romney Campaign Launches iPhone App that Misspells “America”

Mitt Romney made history Tuesday evening when he won the Texas Republican presidential primary and amassed the magical number of delegates required to make himself the official nominee of the Republican party. His campaign marked the evening by releasing an official Mitt Romney iPhone app that allows supporters to take pictures of themselves and superimpose […]

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Man with Zombie Symptoms Shot and Killed by Miami Police Officer after Found Eating Another Man’s Face

Around 2:00 PM today in Miami, an unidentified policeman responded to a 911 call that two naked men were fighting along a city bike path. After arriving, the officer discovered that one of the men seemed to be eating the other man’s face, and the officer ordered the man to back away. The naked man […]

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Dumbledore Dies in Sixth Harry Potter Novel, Sources Reveal

According to sources, closet-homosexual super-wizard Albus Dumbledore was killed off in the sixth installment of the Harry Potter book series. The novel, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, was released in 2005.  Initially to readers the death seemed to involve a shocking murder-betrayal, but the details surrounding the incident were clarified in the series’ subsequent and final novel, Harry Potter […]

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VIDEO: Bill Maher Jokes that Mitt Romney is a Polygamist

Comedian Bill Maher has donated over $1,000,000 to the Obama campaign, but he has also come under fire from many–including some Democrats–for his remarks regarding Mitt Romney’s Mormonism. Recently he called Romney a “cultist,” and yesterday he did a long bit questioning whether or not Romney was a polygamist. Full video below.

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Advice: Women are like Deer

By Trevor Antley. Women are like deer. Not like dainty, bambi-ish deer eating grass in a meadow with their Disney best friends, but like scared, paranoid, ready-to-hoof-your-eyes-out deer waiting for a hunter to shoot them in their deer faces. Allow me to explain. If you run up to a girl screaming and flailing your arms, the […]

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Bikini Bottom: Put a Parka On, You Skank!

By Tyson Pyle. It’s summertime, baby! You know what that means? Summer sales! Just kiddin. It means that hundreds of 18 to 20-something year olds will be flocking to the water holes known as pools to find their soul mates. Ahh the pool. A place where one can go to relax, cool off, catch up […]

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Bad News for Fans of NBC’s Community

By Trevor Antley. It’s been a roller coaster year for fans of NBC’s Community, but it looks like the end of the ride might not be all that great. Last fall NBC announced that the show was going on “hiatus” and quasi-canceled it mid-season, which led many commentators to believe that the series was done for. After […]

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